Negative Associations…
I’m sorry you feel the way that you do about things.
I want to straighten some of that out, though because it’s inevitable, unavoidable, and right now unnecessarily associated and completely unrelated.
Tattoos. Okay I get it. It’s one of my favorite things to do, and it’s something I ask everyone in my life to let me be apart of. Don’t let that be ruined forever, just let it be a bruise…
Massages. I don’t actually know what you mean by a VA one? Sorry in a little lost. The hot date and all? Just a little confused. I offered the massage last night, and you reminded me about it tonight…I left it up to you and I tried so hard to not push it too far the first time.
Pickles? Yeah they are just one of my favorite foods, and a gag gift for Christmas. I threw them away, FYI.
Epic Meal Time? Well that was an inside joke between Devon and I because we both like bacon. You gagged when you first ever saw it so I never really try to bring it up with you again. I threw the shirt away too.
Your mohawk? What? I don’t get it…that’s always been a thing of mine. I have always been attracted to them. Yours has been a favorite since its done well, and you are my first and only blonde. I’m not sure what to do or say about that…except maybe that I hated hers and tried to find nice ways of saying that? I don’t know what you mean by this one really…
Your book. It’s a healing book. It’s written for a reason. And I think you got it when you did for a reason.
Handcuffs? Yeah…I’m really mad about that one. I made the mistake of telling my dreams/desires/fantasies etc to a group of people who used it against me. I like cops, uniforms, authority. You know this. I even got made fun of because our Halloween cuffs were in my purse when I tried to find a pen. But that’s all it ever was, and all it ever has been. I’ve wanted to explore that side of my sex life more, but with you…with someone I can trust to not take advantage or abuse. It’s something I still want and with time I hope you can open up to it. It’s always been in my head…never tried. Never asked for. Just desired.
I work out…that’s my song. Everyone I know thinks of me when they hear it. It’s mine. I’m sorry it makes you think of bad things…but it’s just my song. That’s it.
And finally…photos of me. I get that one 100%. I understand that even if/when I start trying to send you some, your initial reaction will be who else are these being sent to? I know. I get that. You’ve already felt like that. And I’m sorry. That’s what I ruined, and I promise that it’s never going to happen again. I was stupid and selfish and…I’m sorry. I love you and I want you to br happy, excited, and feel desire when I do that. Not pain and betrayal. Time…time and a lot if hope.
I love you.
It’s barely been a week and I feel like so much has happened. it’s okay to still hurt, babe. I’m here for that too.
You are my one.
And I have not, can not, will not stop fighting for our love to be healed and empowered.
Don’t you forget or doubt that for one second.
